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Text Box: A Manifesto and Call to Action On the Decay and Loss of the Masonic Art of Pedal Vulneration

Text Box: Brethren, We are faced with a situation most grave and portentous. Masonry, the grand Masonic tradition which stretches back to antiquity--at least as far as the 1950's--is in jeopardy. The Masonry of the meeting in which we pay bills, correct each other on some point of ritual, and then adjourn to the lobby to settle into ancient chairs, conformed to our bodies over the decades, to drink coffee and play dominoes--the Masonry which gives us so much comfort in the knowledge that we will see no new faces and face no new issues--is at risk! Grand Lodges, often abetted by other Masonic Bodies, have been making efforts to destroy the Masonry we love--to make the general public aware of us, to get us recognized on television and in print. Some—and I shame to tell you this--have even gone so far as to encourage Masons to talk with their friends about Masonry! Brothers, we must awaken before it is too late. We have been complacent. Far too many of us, when we have heard of these programs, have said, "Ah well, it is only a Grand Master's Program. We have been here before. It will take four months to implement, have a four month life, and be ignored for the remaining four months as we begin to wonder what the next Grand Master will do." I must tell you, and I would not expect you to believe me if I did not tell you this is true on my Masonic honor, in many Grand Jurisdictions Grand Master after Grand Master has continued this program called "Masonic Renewal," and even strengthened it and added to it. Men are beginning to speak of a Masonic Renaissance. Nay, it is even worse! Those three mighty phrases which have served us as a bulwark against change: "We've never done that before;" "We tried it, it didn't work;" and "It's against Masonic tradition"--are beginning to fail in instance after instance. Even our mighty, impregnable barrier "There can be no innovations in Masonry" has been weakened as men have questioned if there is a difference between "innovation" and "development." I have even seen it suggested that Masonry is becoming relevant to the world!! Clearly, we must act to prevent this. But there is help. We reprint here a recently-published pamphlet:

Text Box: The Masonic Art of Pedal Vulneration or HOW TO SHOOT YOURSELF
IN YOUR OWN FOOT! by
Brother Theodoric Coot Many Lodges have a serious problem. Masonry is gaining more attention that it has had in decades. Far too many people are applying for membership in the fraternity, for those dedicated to letting Masonry die, this is a situation which must be dealt with, and quickly. Fortunately, help is available. The Masonic Self-Destruction Committee has come to the rescue. They have studied the Lodges which do the best job of discouraging new members and driving away the few who apply for membership anyhow. The principles they discovered are offered here in booklet form. Follow these simple rules, and you can help your Lodge and all of Masonry enjoy a comfortable and peaceful decline into the grave! 1. IF SOME FRIEND ASKS YOU ABOUT MASONRY, SAY “I CAN’T TALK TO YOU ABOUT THAT. IT’S ALL SECRET! We all know, of course, that very little is secret about the fraternity, BUT THEY DON'T KNOW THAT. Refusing to tell people anything is a good way to create a reputation for stealth and secrecy, and to make people suspect we're up to something. Almost no one would want to join an organization like that. 2. IF THEY WANT A PETITION IN SPITE OF THAT, MAKE SURE YOU DON’T HAVE ONE WITH YOU. Tell them that you'll get them one later, then forget about it. If they ask you again, give them one, but make sure you wait a few weeks before remembering to give it to the Lodge. Nothing drives people away like feeling ignored. 3. TRY TO GET PUT ON THE INVESTIGATING COMMITTEE. THAT COMMITTEE CAN DO MORE THAN ANYONE ELSE TO DRIVE A POTENTIAL, CANDIDATE AWAY! First of all, ONLY ONE OF THREE members of the committee should actually call on the petitioner. If all three go, it might appear that we were showing him some respect. Then, as soon as you get there, order his wife and children out of the room. There is no reason, of course, why his wife should not be present, and many reasons why she should. But we need to communicate at once that she isn't welcome anywhere near a Masonic Lodge. Some misguided Lodges, starting programs to involve the whole family, have actually shown an alarming UPTURN in membership and member activity. Approach your conversation with the Petitioner in the spirit of the Master Inquisitor putting DeMolay on the rack. Make clear in your tone of voice and your questions that you suspect he stopped by a public clinic for the treatment of sexually-transmitted diseases on his way home after having been released from prison. (continued on page 4)