Save the Podes!!!

Updated: Wed Nov 6 09:59:21 EST 2002

[a Pode]
A Downtrodden Pode

The Origin of Podes

On the Brown University alumni mailing list, a number of messages appeared in 1996 with the subject line reading Antipodes (having something to do with Australia or New Zealand). In these politically correct times, it is obviously impermissible to allow such opposition to the poor downtrodden Podes to pass without comment. Therefore, I commenced an immediate campaign to Save the Podes.

Table of contents

Honors Come My Way

As a recognition of my efforts to preserve their species, the residents of the principal conurbation of Pode-dom have elected me Honorary Mayor of Pode-unk.

Ode to a Pode

Many topics are discussed on the aforementioned mailing list; Brown alumni/ae are well-informed (misinformed?) on a vast number of subjects. Our list administrator ("Listmom"), Anne Diffily, tries to keep things on topic once in awhile, but mostly she throws up her hands, metaphorically speaking. Some of the subjects that came up in late 1996 were the militias, the black helicopters, the quality of fresh vs. canned salmon, what people's pet peeves were, the meaning of the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, the principles of classical economics, astronomy, and so on.

Vastly overcome by this plethora of subject matter, my personal poetic muse went on a bender involving a great deal of pink Zinfandel and other German-style wines and then visited me during her hangover, which resulted in the accompanying emission of mostly iambic tetrameter. (Or is that Gewurztrameter?)

This material is not as profound as the works of that greatest poet among the Pode community, Edgar Allan Pode.

  Hail to thee, o mighty Pode!
To thee our greatest thanks are owed.
In helicopters black, not red,
Militiamen thy species spread.
Chenoweth would like thee canned,
But unlike salmon, Podes taste bland.
Petting Podes but not the Peeves,
Small complaint so much aggrieves.
Physicists with joule and erg
Compare thee to a Heisenberg.
No constellation astronomic
is a Pode. How economic!
Soon a Brown class year we'll loan ya
So you can SUBSCRIBE BRUNONIA.
The anti-Podes will get all sniffly
When you're revered by Listmom Diffily.
Inspired by thee, our poet's glowed.
Enough of this! Now hit the road!

Saving Podes

Podes to be saved can be found everywhere. Look under your porch. Behind the refrigerator (you needed to clean there anyway). Several thousand Podes have been saved in Bosnia. Twelve Podes were found in a safe deposit box at the bank in Los Angeles after the robbery and shootout. A Pode was found hiding in the toe of a Bruno Magli shoe after a recent court trial.

When you find a Pode that needs to be saved, take it to a Pode-iatrist. He (or she) will know what to do.

Late Developments

Just in case saving the Podes doesn't work out, I have begun consulting with Scottish scientists in order to clone the Podes instead.

My studies in classical economic theory also indicate that perhaps not all the Podes should be saved, but only enough that the marginal benefit from the last Pode saved is equal to the marginal cost of saving that single Pode. The Podes aren't happy with this, and have begun studying socialism. I have pointed out to them that Nikolai Pode-gorny was a President of the Soviet Union during its late decline, but they remain unconvinced.

Historical Suffering of Podes

From the Iliad, Book XVII:

Now there was among the Trojans a man named Podes, son of Eetion, who was both rich and valiant. Hector held him in the highest honour for he was his comrade and boon companion; the spear of Menelaus struck this man in the girdle just as he had turned in flight, and went right through him. Whereon he fell heavily forward, and Menelaus son of Atreus drew off his body from the Trojans into the ranks of his own people.

Apollo then went up to Hector and spurred him on to fight, in the likeness of Phaenops son of Asius who lived in Abydos and was the most favoured of all Hector's guests. In his likeness Apollo said, "Hector, who of the Achaeans will fear you henceforward now that you have quailed before Menelaus who has ever been rated poorly as a soldier? Yet he has now got a corpse away from the Trojans single-handed, and has slain your own true comrade, a man brave among the foremost, Podes son of Eetion.

Timeo Danaos, et donae ferentes!

A Christmas Po(d)em

Down the chimney Santa came
and loudly "Ho-ho-ho-ed"
  You need not fear
  Getting coal this year
For you have saved a Pode.

Pode Haiku

Poor Downtrodden Pode!
No one on BRUNONIA cares
With one exception
Return to the Roger M. Firestone home page, perpetrator of this insanity.