Someone check the Old charges and see if they require us to use paper plates. I’m just back from looking at them and I don’t find any reference, so I thought perhaps I would draft my own.

III. Of LODGES (Amended 2009).

A LODGE is a place where Masons assemble and work: Hence that Assembly, or duly organiz’d Society of Masons, is call’d a LODGE, and every Brother ought to belong to one. The LODGE shall be caparisoned in SHAG CARPET and there shall be many avocado-coloured appliances – which provided they still operate shall not suffer themselves to be upgraded. INTERNET IS RIGHT OUT, as is such decoration or appurtenances that may not be made by hand or purchased for less than two SHILLINGS. In ancient Times, the LODGE was gloriously decorated in crimson, purple, bronze and gold, but these artifices being deemed too difficult to execute by modern Masons are to be hereunto cast aside in favour of vinyl tablecloths, paper plates and paper napkins which are easier. The persons admitted Members of a LODGE must be good and true Men, free-born, and of mature and discreet Age, who may abide forever the serving of meatloaf, green bean casserole and roast beefe the texture of boot leather.

There. Much better. Now, they’ll be no more harping among the young upstarts about how we need to “spruce things up a bit” or “take pride in ourselves.” We’re Masons, dang their eyes, and if we stand for anything, we stand for immovable change with an unshakable, mulish, bull-headed conviction that any and all change is not only untoward, but simply wrong.

Recently this issue came to a head when the Grand Lodge decided to hold its Warden’s School here. No problem, we’ve held the statewide Warden’s School off and on at my lodge since the 1950s – which is actually rather convenient because we still had some of the original leftovers and the menus were already printed. We’d just scratch out the names of the old Grand Masters and pencil in the names of the new ones – neatly mind you – and it took about 30 seconds worth of work, which if you ask me is time well spent for Masonry.

But then, a young Turk decided that we should change the menu and actually serve a meal that the guests would like to eat: smoked prime rib, new potatoes, that kind of stuff. Catered. Yes, you heard me, CATERED. Now over and above the fact that this was a slap in the face to Euna Stubbs who had been cooking meals for us since Pontius Pilate, the cost was simply astronomical: $14.00 per plate. Euna and the Star Chapter only charge us $5.50 a plate and that’s always been good enough for us in the past. The young Turks told us that since Grand Lodge was going to foot the entire bill, we might as well take them up on their offer, and serve a really nice meal (another slap in the face to Euna). Well, I voted for it in lodge of course, but don’t you worry, I spent the next month bitching about it to everyone who would listen about how extravagant it was, all this folderol and for what? Dinner with the Grand Master? In my view, if you start feeding them like that, you might as well set out food for all the stray cats in the neighborhood, too, as you’ll never be shed of any of them.

Now on the night of the dinner things really came to a head. This young Turk and his wife bought linen tablecloths – I hope it was with their own money – and (get this): FRESH FLOWERS to put on all the tables. Now over and above the fact that this was a slap in the face to Beulah Longbottom who made the centerpieces we always use for banquets during the Truman administration (now THERE was a Mason – no smoked prime rib for that man), God rest her soul, she’s dead now, of course – hard to believe it’s been over thirty years ago – but I digress… she made these centerpieces, all eight of them, by hand, from plastic forget-me-nots and yellow…I dunno… spikey-looking flower thingies, and Vernon Mantooth, who was master in ‘71, stapled some aluminum square and compasses onto them (he ran the plumbing supply store back then and he had one of the kids who worked for him cut them out of scrap flashing), and they’ve always been good enough in the past, but oh no! Not now. We have to have fresh flowers. And you know what? Those fresh flowers won’t even keep a week. Beulah’s flowers have been going strong for almost sixty-five years. Progress. Yeah, right.

I was all set to start unrolling the vinyl table-cloth covering thing from the roll we keep in the boiler room. It’s like a roll of trashbags, but instead of being black, it’s white. What? It looks good. Anyway, we cut it to length on each table and then tape it down at each of the four corners so that the table is covered nice and neatly. I was just getting started when all of a sudden the Jr. Warden says they want to use cloth tablecloths. I guess that saves on tape, which can be kind of expensive…you know, I’ve lobbied for years to just glue the vinyl down on each table and then after dinner is over, we can just take the tables out to the parking lot and spray them off, but it’s never gone anywhere. Anyway, so, you save on scotch tape with these newfangled cloth tablecloths, but then you have to wash them! I told the Jr. Warden this and he said he didn’t mind, he would wash them at home – which if you ask me is absolutely insane, but whatever: it doesn’t cost the lodge anything and if this guy is crazy enough to waste two hours of his time with the washer and dryer, I guess it’s ok with me.

So we have dinner, which was fine, although for $14.00 a plate, you’d think they’d give you Baked Alaska and Lobster Thermidor served by real French waiters flown over from France. I haven’t been to a restaurant in a while – I don’t get out all that much — but last time I ate at the Diner, I could have bought half the restaurant for fourteen dollars. Anyway, afterwards, the Grand Master and his group were very complimentary of the effort the lodge put forth, and they were specifically pleased with the meal – like they are too good for Euna’s meatloaf (another slap in the face, if you ask me), or something. But all the ladies could talk about were the fresh flowers. I tried telling one of them that it was a shame they wouldn’t last the week, but she said she didn’t mind and that she thought they were beautiful. Go figure. Now, normally we’d have been done right after this. We’d rip off the vinyl table covers, brush the crumbs off, stack the tables and chairs and then we could go upstairs and drink coffee for another two hours by ourselves, but not this time. You know why? Because some genius decided we should use real plates and silverware instead of paper plates and plastic forks. Luckily we had had about ten brothers there helping, but it still took us almost FORTY minutes to wash, dry and put all the stuff away. The younger guys were all having fun with it, but I thought it was ridiculous. And you want to know what the worst part of it was? Grand Lodge was so “impressed” that they want us to do the same thing next year. No good deed goes unpunished — isn’t that the truth.

But I still think gluing the vinyl table covering to the table would look a lot classier than taping it. And it would be much easier.

And that’s why we’re here, right?

The Computers For Masons Series By RW Bro Barry Minster, PJGW From, Freemasons Victoria Web Site

Computer Dangers For Masons (And Others)
Online Security and Identity Theft

The Internet is becoming a vital part of our every day living – offering never before access to information and the ability to do things in a quicker and better way – but is quicker always better? Every Internet user should at least have a basic understanding of the terms used and so I have collected a few of the more popular ones and put them in this article with a brief explanation of each.

Adware means, "Advertising Supported Software". It refers to placing adverts. In software or distributing them alongside a software download. Distributing a program that has adverts. for third parties such as a finance company, is Adware. Whilst generally harmless they are none the less annoying.

Bots [Robots] are software applications that run automated tasks over the Internet. Bots perform tasks that are both simple and structurally repetitive, at a much higher rate than would be possible for a human editor alone. Bots are used in a malicious way to coordinate attacks on networked computers for financial gain. (Thousands of infected PC's around the world can all be used at the same time for an unlawful act.)

Cross-site scripting. This is a method of placing malicious scripts on websites that are then "executed" inside the web browser of the person viewing the website. These scripting vulnerabilities can be used by attackers to bypass the access controls, however, as soon a new vulnerability becomes known, both the Internet Explorer and FireFox browsers are "patched" quickly. This is why it is essential to use the latest browser.

A Drive-by download is a program that is involuntarily downloaded to your computer, without your permission or even your awareness. A drive-by download can be commenced by simply visiting a Web site or viewing an HTML e-mail message.

Firewall. In its simplest form it is a software security mechanism that prevents unwanted/unauthorised Internet traffic from entering your computer. A firewall can also block software on your computer from sending out data as well. Having a software firewall on your computer is ESSENTIAL if you are connected to the Internet.

Malware is software that is designed to damage a computer system without the owner's informed permission. The expression is a general term used by computer professionals to mean a variety of forms of hostile, intrusive, or annoying software or program code.

Phishing is the act of deception by giving someone secret information or tricking them into doing something that they normally wouldn't or shouldn't do. For example: distributing e-mails to a number of users falsely claiming to be your bank in an endeavour to cheat the users into yielding private information like passwords. The latest versions of Internet Explorer 7 and FireFox 2 have built in phishing filters to help spot this kind of activity.

Root Kit is a set of tools that hackers embed in a victim's computer. They can act as a "back door" entrance onto your computer and provide information for the person who put them there. These tools have been especially designed to allow malicious processes or applications to run on your computer but evade detection.

Spyware is any technology that assists in collection of information about a computer user without their knowledge. Spyware can get in a computer as a virus or as the result of installing a new program. If you have some annoying advertising that appears on your computer all the time, you are likely infected with a spyware application.

A Trojan is a software application that installs malicious software while under the guise of doing something else. These are nasty things to get infected by and are used to steal data from you as you use your computer!.

A Virus is a computer program that can copy itself and infect a computer without permission or knowledge of the user. A virus can only spread from one computer to another when its host is taken to the uninfected computer, for instance by a user sending it over a network or carrying it on a removable medium such as a CD, USB drive or by the Internet and email. Not all viruses are harmful but they all cause problems on the infected PC..

A Worm is similar to a virus but with a different implementation. It is a self-replicating computer program. It uses a network to send copies of itself to other PC's and it may do so without any user intervention. Unlike a virus it does not need to attach itself to an existing program. Worms can bring a PC down to the point where it is impossible to use it because it too slow. Worms can also harm a company network by consuming most of the available network bandwidth, so that the connected PC's cannot speak with each other..

You can generally keep your computer safe if you use an up to date AntiVirus package, AntiSpyware package, make sure your Windows Firewall is on and have Windows Updates set to automatically receive any updates from Microsoft as they become available. It is also advisable to have another firewall that stops traffic out as well as in.

Everyone agrees line officers are important to the lodge. But not everyone may be suited to “go through the chairs”. Certainly not everyone is comfortable being a line officer in a lodge. Some are unable to commit the necessary time. There are those who rightly or wrongly don't feel capable of learning and presenting properly the enormous amount of memory work involved. I readily agree it is daunting. Especially with the sure and certain knowledge that when you make a mistake, as all will, there is a room full of brothers that know you did. Many are uncomfortable with the responsibility of ultimately heading the lodge. These are all valid concerns worthy of consideration. But after that consideration, if a brother elects not to pursue a place in the line, is there no contribution he can make? Certainly not. Let me tell you about Brother Basilio Salazar.

To characterize Basilio Salazar as a truly unique individual is nothing less than just. First, he was a native Mexican – he looked Mexican, and he sounded Mexican. In Jackson, Tennessee in the seventies that alone would serve to set him apart. Next he was relatively short, I would estimate not more than 5' 5''. This feature was emphasized by the fact that he was, in the popular description “about as big around as he was tall”. If he weighed less than 250 pounds, there are no hound dogs in Georgia. He had spent several years as a successful professional wrestler under the ring name Chico “Hot Tamale” Cortez until an injury from an automobile accident ended his career. When I first met Brother Salazar and was told his history, I remembered having seen him wrestle many times. However Brother Salazar wasn't the coarse brutish man you might have expected by his former profession. He was refined and cultured as his real name sounded. Although he was a member of St. Johns Lodge #332 rather than ours, we all knew him, most called him Chico and everyone loved him. These things alone would have made him memorable, but Chico had a role in every degree put on in my home town. Chico delivered the charge.

I don't know why, but Brother Salazar did not seek to be in the chairs. Perhaps having to learn so much ritual in English rather than his native language made him uncomfortable. In any event, he contributed what he could. No degree in either lodge seemed complete unless Chico delivered the charge. And boy did he deliver it. It's difficult to describe. Basilio spoke with a moderate Latin accent rolling his r's and he pronounced masonry as “masondry”, but what struck you was how what he said so obviously came from his heart. It was not rote memory work for Chico, he understood and believed every word that came out of his mouth and you knew it listening to him. He was eloquent. And somehow the fact that he did speak with an accent brought home to us all the more the universality of our fraternity. When Chico finished the charge, took your hand and called you brother, you felt like one. And on the rare occasions when he missed a degree, even though the same words were spoken by someone else, Chico's absence was felt.

We all have unique talents that can contribute to the lodge if we choose to use them. It may be nothing more complex than helping clear the collation tables, or conducting the poor blind candidate with a firm arm to lean on so that he knows he's safe. Brother Basilio Salazar understood you don't have to be an officer to be important to the lodge. You just have to be willing to do what you can the best that you can.

Here are some of the "funnies" our grandparents enjoyed.

The Old Tiler Talks

On Being Asked to Join
From the Old Tiler's Talk - by Carl H. Claudy, The Temple Publishers

"I think it's an outrage," announced the New Brother with great emphasis, talking to the Old Tiler.

"Sure it is!" answered the Old Tiler.

"Why don't you have it stopped, then?"

"I dunno, what is it?"

"You just agreed with me it was an outrage. And now you don't know what it is!"

"No, I do not. But I am wise enough to agree with out-of-temper brethren. Then they don't get out of temper with me. So suppose you tell me what is an outrage?"

"All these brethren who try to get me to join things! Ever since I was raised they have been after me. Jones wants me to join his Chapter and Smith says as soon as I do I must come in his Council, and Robinson wants me in his Commandery and Jackson says I mustn't think of going York but must go Scottish Rite, and Brown tells of what he is going to have done to me when I join the Shrine, and Peters wants me to become a Veiled Prophet and Lem says I mustn't forget the Tall Cedars, and old Jerry tells me he'll never let up on me until I join the Eastern Star... it makes me ill."

"You sure do get sick easily," answered the Old Tiler.

"But I'll attend to it. Tomorrow I will see to it that at least ten brethren tell you you are not good enough for the Chapter, not wise enough to join the council, not brainy enough for the Rite, not sincere enough for the Commandery, not a good enough sport to stand the Grotto, Tall Cedars or Shrine initiation and not decent enough to join the woman's organization. That'll fix it all right and you can be well again."

"Hey, wait a minute! What do you mean, I am not decent enough for the women or good enough sport to stand the Shrine? I'm perfectly decent and as good a sport as-"

"Gently, gently! I did not say you were not- I said I'd arrange with a lot of brethren to tell you you were not."

"But why?"

"You get peeved when they tell you the other thing- I thought that was what you wanted."

"Our wires are crossed somewhere!"

"No, it is you who are cross and therefore not able to see straight," snapped the Old Tiler. You say it's an outrage that many brethren invite you to join with them. What is there outrageous about it? The brother who wants you in his Chapter sees in you good material out of which to make a Companion. The Knight who wants you in his Commandery thinks you will grace its uniform, live up to its high standards, conform to its usages. The brother who would like to have you in the Scottish Rite thinks you have brains enough to appreciate its philosophic degrees and believes that Albert Pike had such as you in mind when he wrote 'Morals and Dogma.' The Noble or the Veiled Prophet who asks you to come with him thinks you are a good sport, able to be the butt of a joke for a while that others may laugh, and that you may, in turn, enjoy the antics of others. They all take you for a regular fellow.

When you are asked to join the Eastern Star a great compliment is paid you- you are selected as a man fit to associate with fine women; you are accepted as a gentleman as well as a Mason, a man women will be proud to know. That is your outrage!"

"I never looked at it in that way. Masons do not ask others to join with Masons in Masonry and I suppose I thought- I felt-"

"You didn't think; you just thought you thought." The Old Tiler was smiling now. "Think again. There is every reason why Masonry should not ask the profane to be of it. Masonry is bigger than any man. It never seeks; it must be sought. But once a Mason the matter is different. The lodge has investigated you. You were found not wanting by your fellows. Why wouldn't your brother ask you to join another organization in which he is interested and which he thinks will interest you?"

"Well, but-"

"There is no 'but' which fits! There are many Masonic organizations, each filling its place. Chapter, Council, and Commandery extend the symbolic lodge story. The Scottish Rite tells it to the end in another way. Shrine, Grotto and Tall Cedars are happy places where Masons play. The Eastern Star practices charity, benevolence, kindness, the gentler side of life. None duplicate; all have work to do. The better the workers, the better the work. It is no outrage that they pay toy the compliment of asking you to join with them."

"But I haven't the time; I don't know if I could afford it."

"That is another story. All these organizations cannot make you more a Mason than you are now, but they might make you a better one. Whether you have the time or the means needed is your affair. It would indeed be an outrage if any one questioned you about that. These brethren who ask you to join with them think you have leisure enough to be a better Mason and of sufficient means to indulge that laudable ambition."

"Oh, of course, you are right and I am wrong, as usual. I guess I'm a-"

"A Mason," suggested the Old Tiler, gently.

"And a prospective, Companion, Knight or whatever it is they will call me when I join the Scottish Rite and all the rest!"

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